Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
