I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Randomize
