Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
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