I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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