Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
She told me I should be a condom model.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
