I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Randomize
