She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
