"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
