Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Randomize
