one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
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