Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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