they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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