My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
