I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I love you. Go after that dick
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
