my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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