it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
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