I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
