that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Randomize
