Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
