So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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