You smell like a Billy Joel song
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
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