Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
