I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
grandma shit on top of the toilet
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
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