Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
They should really pass out barf bags in church
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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