If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
