Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
