For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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