Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
