so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize