Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
