id be glad to
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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