Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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