Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
