I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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