Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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