How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Randomize
