A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
literally had 100 drinks last night.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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