I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
