you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
it glows. i had to have it.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
