Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Randomize
