I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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