We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
