I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
