I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
there is glitter all over my balls
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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