This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Randomize
