You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
from now on my penis is your penis
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Randomize
