We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
