We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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