It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
He is an equal opportunity slut.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
