the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize