After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
I did not marry a roomba.
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