If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
