I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
