i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
