I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Randomize
