First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
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