then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
