Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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