seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
