dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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