Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
