I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
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