All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
