the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
