ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
you guys were way drunker than both of me
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
