You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
