i permit you to call me
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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