I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
