I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
