I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
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