i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
