i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
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