Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
