...so i touched it.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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