I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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