How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
