tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
