i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
