He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
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