woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
